[Note: In late 2012 I bought a beautiful piece of land along the 10 Mile River, walking distance to the ocean. My friends who are permaculture trainers created a blueprint for restoring degraded areas, for growing food and protecting the streams, meadow, forests and river. I am restless, on edge, in over my head.]
Not sleeping. What is it that is keeping my mind so busy? The land, the fencing, the lizard killed by the brush clearing, the orchard, the garden, my work, my mother, my body, my dog, the rats, the next earthquake (The Big One?), and haven’t seen any whales since New Year’s Day.
Caught a rat in the live trap at the new house. Fed him marshmallows and poured water onto a split reed pushed through the wires of his cage. His translucent pink ears, round and alert like Mickey Mouse in miniature. His dark, brindled, minky soft fur rippling with wild health. We make eye contact. His gaze valiantly holds mine the whole time I speak, which grows longer as I do so. Funny to find I have so much to say to a rat. He stops what he was doing (looking for food, water, a way out of the cage) and listens, motionless. I tell him, Thank You for allowing yourself to be caught. You are beautiful. We will not kill you or hurt you. We do not wish to frighten you. You are welcome to live at a respectful distance, to eat well and be warm, but you cannot be here. Please let the others know. We will take you somewhere far that we hope is safe. You cannot stay here. No rats can be here, in this house.
I am wondering: How can we build a fence like a skin? The boundary between me and not me, the world and each of us. In this case, between human-centered activity and deer activity, which is also tick activity, mountain lion, fox, bobcat and bear activity, and eating-vegetable-gardens activity. What rightfully belongs to one or the other? Are there places on the land we are willing not to go? What is the correct and proper dance of reciprocity based on intimacy and respect? Or is it a dance of intimacy and respect based on reciprocity? How to fence so that it’s the skin of my body? How to fence so that it’s safe and sustaining on both sides of it?
